Whew! After a very long...and very dry hiatus from writing , I am back to share some thoughts...and confessions. The Christmas season was magical this year. Christmas party with ten close girl friends, decorating and baking and loving everything Christmas with Olivia, food and presents and more friends and family. It was one of our best Christmas's so far. Funny thing was though that even in my attempt to keep Christ's birthday at the forefront of my mind, my spirit felt dry much like our live tree that littered needles whenever the heat kicked on. I did everything I normally do and expected the same things I normally do and found myself getting increasingly bored and restless. Something needed to change...but what?
Last Sunday morning I left my snoring husband and toddler (who was draped over my snoring husband) and traipsed out to the sofa. I picked up my Bible and did something I haven't done in quite a while...sat quietly and prayed. Now before you think me saintly for waking up early for my devotions let me tell you that this is something I can easily fit into my day. Although Olivia and I sleep in together since I am now pregnant, I have her naptime that I often waste watching Bravo re-runs or twiddling around on the Internet. I could also easily grab some moments when everyone turns in for the night. But I Don't...and that's the point. I uttered the revolutionary words "God please show me the sin in my heart" and watched as things like gossip, anger, discontentment, love of money and stuff, judgmentalism, and a criticism poured out from the contents of my heart. As the faucet of my eyes turned on so did the shower of God's grace. There He washed it all away as I asked for forgiveness and felt my soul be released from the heavy weight it had taken on. The restlessness of my soul gave over the clutter of sin and God gave me rest in exchange. I sat there until it was time to get ready for church and watched in awe as God forgave my sin and made me feel free...funny it took me so long. God offers us the cleansing shower of His grace each moment of every day and I had refused it for months. What a shame!
So while I could make a list of New Years resolutions that sound good...gossip less...watch my temper...end critical thoughts...yada yada yada. I think this year I am going to resolve to ask God daily to show me the sin in my heart and let Him be the judge of what I need to work on everyday. His cleansing grace does a much better job at longlasting results than a resolution anyway.