Bitter Old Women and Grumpy Old Men

The topic of Bitter Old Women and Grumpy Old Men is often met with a full round of chuckles and head shaking. We love to watch them in the movies and equally love telling the stories of their presence in our own lives, but hate to be around them. Deep inside every person lies the fear of becoming that sour older person that no-one wants to be around and sadly the ones who embody this title have no idea what they have become. We can chuckle at Fried Green Tomatoes and love the mess out of each character, but when the woman spewing nasty words and negative comments is sitting near your new friend at church, it's a whole new issue! And sadly the church is full of them. You would think that in a building where the "Gospel of Grace" is taught from week to week that it would permeate the entire congregation, but alas...we are all human.

I once heard a Christian speaker say that women don't become bitter overnight. As I observe the people around me growing older, I can see that yes, that is so very true. We set out in life with a list of expectations for both God and man and when these expectations are not met properly, we give way to the potion set to turn our hearts angry and mean. The best description of this potion is one given by a Pastor who said "Bitterness is poison that you swallow while waiting for someone else to die". How often do you sit to talk to an older man or woman and they can talk only of the past as though life stopped 15 years ago. Not long into the conversation they will begin stating how awful this current generation is and how much better "the good old days were." Underneath this typical conversation is a life event that didn't meet their expectation and they are stuck in that era eternally. Life keeps moving, but their anger keeps them rooted in a moment.
 Bitterness is by far satan's favorite drink to offer our justice oriented souls. We long for the people around us to pay for how they treat us and gladly take the flask of bitterness offered thinking it will ease our burning souls. The problem is that bitterness is rooted in pride and God has stated very clearly that He opposes the proud. I can think of a lot of things God might feel towards me and cringe a bit, but it downright terrifies me to think of the Almighty God opposing my every move! We can be certain every thing God does for us is rooted in love so even His opposition is meant to bring us to confession and a healed relationship with Him. What I want us to focus on is what steps we can take to make sure we aren't thirsty for the bitter drink.

1) Empty our minds of expectations before the day begins
This truly can only be done through prayer. When we ask God to help us welcome the day whatever it may hold, we are loosening our need for control and allowing Him to use the day for His purpose. What a gift!

2) Forgive and Forget...then Remember
No matter how horrific the slight, word, or action taken against you, forgiveness is something we must follow through with. When we choose to stand our ground and hold something against someone, we are swallowing every bit of bitter poison Satan possesses and we are guaranteed an ugly heart. Forgetting is something that takes prayer and purposeful attempts to not think of the fault against you. Lastly, it is crucial that we remember how very much Christ has forgiven us anytime we long to hold onto an offense against us.

3) Purposefully forgive the person who wronged you long after the issue is over.
Bitterness is alot like gaining weight. It doesn't show up until we think we're out of the woods and safe to keep doing what we've been doing. A doughnut a day never attaches to one's thighs in the first two weeks. It's only after we've established a well loved habit and claimed our high metabolism for our success that the pounds multiply on the scale sending us running to the gym. In the same way, praying against bitterness has to be a daily thing. We don't even know the many ways we take a sip of the poison here and there and often don't realize how we've let it's root into our hearts until we spew ugliness at someone. I don't know about you, but I want God to dig that root out well before that occurs!

And last but not least
4) Pray for the person who hurt you.
This is HARD...this is painful...but this is the heart and soul of grace. In praying for the people who hurt us, we get the opportunity to do the very work of our Savior while He was on the cross. We say we want to "be like Jesus" and this is where we do it. As He hung on the cross in agonizing pain, He uttered a prayer of forgiveness on us all..."Father forgive them for they know not what they do". Grace...painful...self sacrificing...beautiful grace. It is the only antidote for the bitter, grumpy, path ahead of us. Friend's lets choose the way of grace now and work hard to be gentle and grace filled followers of Jesus as we get older

Grace in Preparation

I wonder if it's a coincidence that God always reveals Himself to me on the hard days...ones where Eden was up all night from those darn teeth coming in. The ones where I choke back tears as I pour my cup of coffee and pray for the grace to be patient. Well today was exactly that day and God revealed Himself to me while the girls and I were out for a walk. We donned winter jackets from the back of the closet, gathered sandwich bags, and ventured out into the chilly "spring" day to chase grace and look for God's beauty. As the girls filled their bags with rocks and small pine cones covered in a dusting of pollen, I prayed. Prayed for the eyes to see God here as the wind whipped our hair and my warm bed beckoned my tired body. My thoughts turned to the dirty breakfast dishes waiting for me at home and the two baskets of laundry that waited for my hand's attention. I marveled at how much of life we spend preparing for something. Pastors spend hours preparing sermons, students days and long nights preparing for exams, pregnant mothers preparing for the babe soon to arrive, anxious boyfriends preparing to ask their love to be their brides...and the list goes on to include preparing for each day by getting clothes and towels clean, food ready to be consumed, and homes presentable to welcome our families. We spend FAR more time preparing than we spend enjoying the fruit of our labor.
Thankfully, God showed up in this downward spiral of my thoughts and brought to mind something I learned from Ann Voscamp on her blog recently. She highlighted a few things she had learned from Gideon in the book of Judges. The one that stood out to my brain today was the way the angel of the Lord responded to the meal Gideon had prepared for him.

"Then the angel of God said to him, "Take the meat and the unleavened bread and lay them on this rock, and pour out the broth." Judges 6:20

Not sure about you Saints, but I have watched as my children have "poured out the broth" I have just labored hours over onto the rug beneath the table and my response has been anything but lovely. Back in Gideon's time, preparing a meal was even more labor intensive than it is now with conveniences such as the oven, microwave, and stove. He had poured much into the meal and probably never expected that the response to it would basically be, "Thanks, now pour it out." Talk about disappointment!

But in reality, isn't that what we're all supposed to do with the offering we've prepared? The meal that takes an hour to cook and minutes to consume is not wasted simply by it's quick consumption. The exam that took 2 all nighters to prepare for only to come back with a blazing red "C" circled on it isn't wasted simply by the grade received. You see God, is in the preparation...God is a God of moments and motives and cares far more about the process of preparation than the result we work so hard for. And here is the whole breakdown of the discouragement and failure we heap onto ourselves. We humans are so focused on results that we miss the offering of the process and the beauty of the offering being poured out.

Judges 6:21 gives us the picture of how God received the meal poured out
"The angel of the Lord put out the end of the staff that was in his hand and touched the meal and fire sprang up from the rock and consumed the meat and unleavened bread."

God took Gideon's hard labored offering and consumed it with magnificence and splendor. He showed up in glory and fire and gave us all the picture of how He responds to a gift poured out. Friend, he sees it all and the more effort put into our preparation, the more glory He receives.

So what ever your week holds from the laundry to the paper waiting to be written or the phone call you've put off for weeks, chase the grace waiting in each moment and let your heart be encouraged when you release the work of your hands into the fire of God

Fasting From More

I'll never forget the day God put Noonday on my heart. I had viewed the website a million times and created a wish list for my husband. The beauty of the handmade jewelry caught my eye and the faces of the beautiful people who made them tugged at my heart. This was my first introduction to Fair Trade and it rocked my world. My heart pounded with excitement at the thought that my choice of where to spend my money held the power to change someones life.

One day something happened though. Something deep within me longed to do more than just purchase from fair trade companies...I wanted to BE A PART OF IT. But Noonday scared me and I pushed against becoming an ambassador for a few months before I ever mentioned it to my husband and friends. You see, one of my GREATEST struggles is the love of money. Anyone who knows me is probably laughing because y'all know my family of four is crammed into a one bedroom house with one car and a savings account that gets depleted every time we need groceries. The truth is though, the love of money has NOTHING to do with how much you possess. Shopping for me has always been a hobby whether it's browsing through stores, perusing the internet, or dreaming it up in my own head. I may not have much stuff, but my tendency is to let stuff have a lot of me. So when God impressed on my heart a way for me to promote shopping and make money of my own for the first time in 4 years, I was scared out of my skin. As soon as I said yes and submitted my application though, God gave me the disclaimer. NONE of my commission was going to be my money to spend. I would cover the cost of my samples and gas to get to and from shows, but every penny left was meant to help other people. Friends, that first check I ever received was over $400 and very tempting! It left my hands as quickly as it came into them though and the chains of money began to break around my heart. Making money, but not spending it became normal as 12 months went by and we never took my check and had fun with it. God didn't stop there though...the love of money goes far deeper than spending.

A few months ago, the poverty crisis really started weighing heavily on me and I delved back into researching the philosophy behind fair trade. My research un-earthed article upon article about consumerism and the way the global market is the key to ending poverty. Teaching people to work a trade and then paying them fairly for it is changing entire villages. Children are able to go to school, women are free to get out of prostitution, men regain respect for themselves and others, and the quality of the actual product rises! The consumer will be paying a higher price for something, but gaining a better product, thereby not needing to purchase the same quantity as before. With my husband's permission, I began adding a few things to my wardrobe and even found fair trade shoes and makeup! The quality blew me away and I was filled with passion to speak out about our need to change the way we shop in this country.

Along with my passion though, grew that tiny seed of what I have termed the "more disease". We see it everywhere from the toddler who mumbles "can I have another" with her mouth full of a cookie; to the mother who gets a full night's sleep while praying for another one tonight; The girl who loves her new shirt so much that she returns to the store to buy it in a few other colors; and the lover who tells his wife, he can't wait to enjoy her again. The constant need for more fully steals our ability to embrace the moment we have right now. This reality stopped me dead in my tracks as I was pinning fair trade outfit after fair trade outfit on pinterest last night. Although, I wasn't pining away for any of them, I was feeding the monster within that always thinks of more.

Jesus tells the people in Matthew 6:25, "Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?"

While Jesus is encouraging people here not to be anxious, I think the statement encompasses obsession as well. Weight loss, fitness, healthy eating, clothing, anti-aging, and the like all point to an obsession we have with getting more and more and more. I see it in my daughters...and I see it in myself. God has placed a burden on my heart to do a fast from anything that leads me to want more. Beginning on February 13th (the beginning of lent), I am committing to fast from all shopping and pinning on pinterest. I am rallying my family and closest friends to keep me accountable to savoring the moment rather than thinking or talking about what's to come. My passion for Noonday is stronger than it has ever been before and I will continue to do trunk shows and speak out about fair trade. My heart however will be fasting from feeding the worm of desire that thrives on the more disease. God has given me a passion and a voice to speak out on this issue, but He needs to prune my heart first.  If you'd like to join me, let me know and we'll do this together and if you'd like to remember me in prayer, I'll love you bunches. If you are interested in changing the way you shop, leave your email address and I'll send you a list of awesome fair trade companies. Thanks for reading friends!

Shopping With Heart

I was 15 years old, sitting on a plane, returning home, and bawling my face off. I had just spend two weeks serving in Brazil with Compassion International and had come face to face with raw, horrific, poverty. I held children covered in filth who lived in mountains of trash that would never see a day past their 10th birthday. I walked hand in hand with children who longed to go to school and yet would never see the inside of a first grade room or feel the luxury of a fresh sharpened pencil. I looked into the eyes of young women longing for freedom, but had only one vocation for their bodies to pay the bills with, and I was crushed under the hopelessness of it all.

When people say that Americans have no idea what it's like in third world countries, they are speaking the truth. Even if the fiscal cliff takes us places we never thought we would go, Americans have something that every single third world country lacks and that is hope. America was born out of a vision that came from hope. We dream and plan and work together to make life better and easier.

While this is a wonderful thing in our country, we are at a place in life where it's time for us to extend this to other countries. We have a gift we can give those who are struggling and it begins with hope and a dream and is executed through the power of money. You see every time we make a purchase we are giving the support of our hard earned income not just to gain something for ourselves, but also to pay the person who made it. This is not something we think about since we are so far removed from the makers of our products. Most items we purchase are made in mass quantity at a factory overseas. The reality is that almost every one of these factories mistreat the people making the products and underpays them if paying them at all. Poverty will never be eliminated unless we start paying the person producing a product rather than the company in between the worker and consumer.

And while I myself could sit in my American home typing on my foreign made computer resting on my foreign made couch and try to explain the concept of fair trade and the opportunity to change the lives of individuals, I've chosen instead to let me dear sister give you her thoughts. She lives in Bangkok, Thailand...home to thousands of sweat shops and a prostitution capital of the world. I pray your eyes are opened and your heart stirred to be a part of a movement...a movement that has ripple effects farther than we could ever imagine.

When Beth told me that she wanted me to help her write a blog about the issues women face around the world, I felt very inadequate to do so. Living here has opened my eyes to how complicated the issues are. For example, before I moved to Thailand, I would have thought that any woman who was given the choice to get out of prostitution would take it. Now I know that the issues run deeper. She might have been brainwashed or be on drugs, she might have nowhere to go, she might have children to support, she might be completely rejected if she ever went back to where she was from (or might not even be able to get home if she doesn't have a passport). Helping women is more complicated than I thought. I went to a party to support a ministry here that helps women get out of prostitution. They told how much it would cost to support a woman and her child per month. It was extremely low, just over a hundred dollars. I wanted to just give the money. But then I realized that what they wanted me to do was buy something the women had made. They can't survive on handouts. Having a job and a trade and doing something is a key to creating a new life for themselves.

Another thing I've realized is that cultural beliefs really influence the issue and those are very hard to change. How do you explain to someone that prostitution is wrong when she sees it as a chance for a way out--she might marry a rich foreigner and then support her family for life (this happens enough to make them think it works). This can be discouraging, but I remind myself that ONE person at a time--ONE heart at a time is the focus. And, that the gospel is powerful and everlasting and changes people and cultures. When I get sad and overwhelmed about it, I just try to focus on Jesus' love--how His love can change anyone.

We are on the cusp of an amazing movement...and we have the opportunity to use the power of our money to support people and help them make a long lasting change! Noonday Collection goes into countries and does THIS VERY THING. We offer sustainable income for people, through their work. We buy our products directly from them rather than paying them a percentage which means they are getting paid far above what they would get anywhere else.

When you make a purchase through Noonday, YOU ARE CHANGING LIVES. As a thank you for reading today's blog and wanting to make the change to impact the world, I am offering one of our best selling scarves as a gift to one lucky winner. Just make a comment about how you plan to make a change to purchase more fair trade products and the winner will be chosen at random before midnight January 5th.

          To see the full collection of what Noonday offers visit me at:

bethbernhardt.noondaycollection.com

                                                                        Thank you!

Meeting People in their Messes

Christmas is over...today dawned a new year...and yet I cannot shake the theme that ran through my head during the entire advent season. Images of what a true manger looked like coupled with the mental picture of Christ bent over washing His disciples feet created a running thought of Jesus coming down to meet us in our messes. As if the humility of the Christ child lying in a dirty feeding trough isn't enough, we then see Him dwelling with fishermen, prostitutes, and homeless people. None of these were privy to regular bathing and clean fingernails. When He healed the sick He chose not just to speak the words, but to touch them..and His touch was what drove deep beyond the healing of their bodies and healed their lonely souls. Now contrast that with today's culture where super sized bottles of Germ-X are on every counter in every store, bathroom, and size. They are even sold in travel size containers with handy accessories that allow us to ward off illness in style! I'll be the first one to laugh at myself with how I practically bathe my children and myself in it every time we go to the grocery store. I'm that crazy mother yelling "no don't lick that!" and "Olivia don't touch your lips so much!". Shamefully I am also the one who sees a sick friend and rather than reaching out, I run the other way and throw a "get well soon" over my shoulder to them. Funny...Jesus came to meet us in our messes and I spend my time avoiding them. And it doesn't end with illness...what is the natural instinct when we hear that a husband or wife has been unfaithful? We might have pity on the spouse that was cheated on, but what about the one who created the mess? Or what about the person in church who we avoid at all costs because they don't understand boundaries and if you say hi, you can forget being able to pry yourself away for an hour? Mangers are messy places where animals stick their germ filled faces to feed, feet are messy appendages that come into contact with dirt, and filth, and carry pleasantries such as corns and warts. Fishermen smell like....well fish...prostitutes carried the aroma of their lifestyle, and yet I believe the pride that keeps us from meeting people in their messes smells far more foul to our Heavenly Father than anything of those scents. So what's to be done? How do we swallow the pride that keeps us clean and neat and make our way into the messes other people are wallowing in? I think the answer can be found in Matthew 18:3 where Jesus says, "I tell you the truth, unless you turn from your sins and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." Then Jesus goes on to say in verse 4 "Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven." Obviously Jesus sees in the hearts of children something that adults truly lack and I think it can be narrowed down to they way that children love. Yesterday I had the privilege of getting one of the worst flu's I have had since I was a child. It came on fast and left me hugging the toilet for a few hours. No matter how hard I tried to get the girls to stay in the other room, they kept running in to hug me, rub my hair, give me pictures they had drawn, and lavish kisses anywhere I would let them. Not once did they hesitate to show affection due to fear of contracting the illness that ravaged my body. It didn't phase them when I said they needed to stay away because mommy didn't want them to get sick. They pushed past my pride and worry and met me in my mess. In doing so, I caught a glimpse of the very face of Jesus Himself as Love came down and hugged me...and kissed me...held me in my messy state. No wonder Jesus said that children are the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. They lack the well groomed self preservation we adults adorn ourselves with. They lack the carefully nurtured worry we have spent years cultivating. Children aren't afraid of messes...life is one big mess to them...and they don't know anything but to love all through it. I have always said that I am a visual/tangible learner and yesterday was proof. The visions of Jesus, the One who meets us in our messes became so real to me and I don't want the lesson to end there. Old habits die hard so you will probably still see me with my hand sanitizer hanging from my key chain and my bottles filled with anti-sick promises in my medicine cabinet, but my prayer is to be drawn to messes rather than afraid of them. I want to be like my daughters and reach down with hope. I want to be like Jesus and love the unloved. I want to be the one people call when they have no-where to go, not to gain a pat on the back or walk away feeling good, but because that is what love is...to reach out when it costs you something...to meet people in their messes

I must have been 7 or 8, although I can't remember the exact yr...nor can I remember the location of where my eyes first beheld it, but I do remember the feeling I had when I laid eyes on the object of my desire. Hope turned into anticipation and as lights went up on the tree and carols floated out of every speaker in our house, my mind was consumed with the FUN I was going to experience as soon as I got my hands on that BARBIE CAMPER. Did you have one of those? My sister and I got matching ones and it sure didn't disappoint! Barbie went on more adventures than you can imagine in that thing and she didn't even have to remove her pink high heels because she rolled into every camp ground in style and got to sleep in her luxurious pink bed rather than a silly sleeping bag outside. ;) This is a fond memory for me as are MANY other Christmas memories I have. However, something about Christmas has nagged at me for years, especially ever since Olivia was born. You see, we as Christians are caught in a bit of a rock and hard place with how to marry the very secular and even selfish magic of Santa with the holiness of the birth of our Savior. Some have decided to throw Santa out the window or tag him with harsh and hateful titles while others embrace all of it and try to celebrate all that the Christmas season has to offer equally. I won't point the finger at anyone...I believe each family makes their own traditions which is totally fine by me, but Brian and I had never found one for us that felt right. I think the moment I was sure I wanted something different for us was when Olivia and I were in our favorite toy store this week. I saw the look on her face when her big brown eyes locked onto the sweetest baby doll we had either one seen. She hugged him (yes a boy baby doll) and looked at me with yearning and expectation. Due to his price and the extravagance of the gift, I told her we would have to wait to get something as special as him for a special occasion to which she replied "maybe I can get him for Christmas?". In that moment all the years of wishing the Christmas season by and counting down days, and asking Jesus to forgive me for not being as excited about His holy birth as that Pink Barbie camper...or new bike...or whatever it was my heart longed for that year came rushing back and my heart sank into my stomach. I put the doll back on the shelf and consoled Olivia by telling her I would talk to daddy about it. I mulled over it and prayed over it for days...how do I help my girls keep the focus of Christmas and enjoy the sanctity of it while still keeping the wonder of that special gift too? Well two days ago, I was driving the girls home from the park and the answer hit me right over the head...of course it's all brand new so I'm not sharing a fool proof idea with you here, but this is our plan for this yr. On Sunday Nov 25th, we are going to celebrate the beginning of the Christmas season. We are going to have a big lunch, and decorate the house, and OPEN PRESENTS. It will be a fun and festive day much like December 25th always has been in years past. And then from that day forward, we will celebrate every aspect of the advent season and the wonderful day of our Savior's birth. We will open a part of our manger advent calendar each day, go Christmas caroling, take in as many candle lightings as we can attend, and put as much excitement into the gifts we make and buy for others as we used to into the ones we expected for ourselves. We'll attend the Christmas Eve service with family and friends and drink hot chocolate and stay up way too late as we always have...and then on Christmas morning we will celebrate! I'll make cinnamon rolls and big cups of coffee and we'll all gather together to read the story of Jesus' birth and we will worship. If we are with family on that day, we will eat yet another big meal and exchange gifts with them, but our prayer is that our hearts will be focused differently. I cannot tell you how excited I am...how light my heart feels at the beginning of my favorite time of the year. As adults we know it's not about the presents, but by starting this new tradition, we have a better chance that our daughters will know that too :)

A Walk of Remembrance

Stones of Remembrance...these were stones the Israelites used as reminders of God's faithfulness. They served as a visual reminder of the amazing miracles He performed and His unfailing love as He never gave up on them.
I by nature am not sentimental in any way...clean out my house regularly...and can be called anything BUT a hoarder. So keeping something like stones of remembrance has always been totally out of the question, however I was struck this morning by a place that is that for me. I took Olivia and Eden down to the beach early this morning for a long walk (I know I am incredibly blessed :) ). The sun beat down warm rays and we ran the paths the tire tracks left behind, poked at a jellyfish left by the receding tide, and dug our bare feet deep into the cool sand. In one moment when both girls were squealing in delight, I was overcome with gratitude and allowed my mind to review all that I have experienced on this beach. 25 yrs of memories flooded my mind as I remembered the summer when my mom, sister, and I came to the beach everyday for two solid months...yes we experienced a drought that summer, but we sure enjoyed the sunny days! I relived the walk I took where I petitioned God about whether or not I should go on a mission trip to Brazil...ended up being the trip where God caught my heart and gave me a love for people around the globe. There was the walk I took where I cried my eyes out in loneliness because my sister left for college...and the one I took right before I moved to Colorado to attend school myself. This was the first beach my husband had ever seen and the same one that he knelt down in the sand to ask me to marry him. I then allowed my mind to recall all the walks of sorrow...when my marriage crumbled and everything felt so dark...the days after I lost each girl through miscarriage...even the day I found out I was pregnant with Eden and I walked this wellworn path on the beach begging God to let me keep the pregnancy. You see, I have no physical stones...no tangible object to remind me of the faithfulness of God, but I do have this place...this beach that I call my home. And as I looked at my marriage that God faithfully restored; and my heart that He faithfully healed; and my two daughters that He is faithfully keeping for me in heaven; and my other two duaghters squealing and laughing on the beach; I am OVERWHELMED by the faithfulness of our God. He is faithful no matter what! I am blessed by my "walk of remembrance" this morning....blessed to be called a daughter of this beloved Savior of mine.

Prayers for the Persecuted

Both my daughters are napping and the silence during the daytime is kind of magical...couple that with the fact that I'm in a hotel room in which I did not have to make the bed or wash the folded towels and I feel even a bit giddy. Being away from the daily duties of life has given me time to enjoy my family, actually talk to my husband, and give clarity to some things that have been foggy. The reason for our trip is to represent our ministry to the persecuted church at a missions conference. I am mainly taking care of the girls while Brian talks with students, but both Brian and I came to an interesting conclusion yesterday. All the other missions vendors here represent ways for students to GO and serve. This is huge...such a NEEDED thing for young people to grasp and get a hold of. Living out the gospel can be done in so many ways and through so many organizations and never before has our world been more reachable and connected than it is today. Our ministry is something alltogether different though. While we have dozens of ways for people to get involved in helping minister to and assist the persecuted through financial giving, our main purpose is to create awareness to their plight and ask Christians to pray....and that's it. I have wrestled with this to be honest...I am such a task oriented person...I want to DO something. Buying a goat for the wife and children of a martyred believer or sending a wife or daughter to a vocational school feels sooooo much more important than getting on my knees and asking God to give them courage and safety. Frankly, people ONLY respond to our ministry once we start talking about what we're doing rather than just how they can pray and so we often find ourselves ignoring this huge aspect alltogether. This is especially true when we're conversing with people about how our personal fundraising is going...my brain asks, "who wants to give each month to us financially when our primary job is to create awareness to this massive issue and then pray?" My thoughts have been challenged this week however by the ever wise Oswald Chambers. He said "We lean to our own understanding or we bank on service and do away with prayer, and consequently by succeeding in the external, we fail in the eternal, because in the eternal we succeed only by prevailing prayer." I was pondering that statement this morning and it just smacked me over the head. Yes, there are so many ways that we American Christians can GO and BE and DO and Make a Difference and those things are vital to the gospel. However, if we are not praying about every step...if we're not praying for every person affected by the things we see and hear...if we're not wearing out our knees by falling on them to petition our God; our work is done in vain. Yes, Brian and I have been called to connect American believers to those being persecuted around the world by giving them something they can do, but shame on us if we ever again see that as being more important than asking people to pray. And it is any wonder that prayer is such a difficult and neglected task??? Surely satan knows this but that blog post will have to come at a later time...my girls are awake ;)

Life is a Gift

I will never forget lying on a cold table, in a dark room, staring at the ultrasound machine. Time stood still in those moments as the nurse nervously moved the wand around my belly and I regretted telling my husband I didn't mind going to my appt alone. It was supposed to be routine...in and out with a good word about how healthy both my baby and I were. I was alone...and felt the most alone I had ever felt in my life. What seemed like hours came to a halt as we located a sound...a still small heartbeat. Upon zooming in a tiny little form came into view and my tears began to flow...there she was. Her heartbeat was but a flicker and her size way too small, but in that moment, my heart was irrevocably gone as I fell in love with her. I lost her that night...never saw her face...never nursed her or kissed her or rocked her to sleep. Her ultrasound picture is all I have...and the memory of her flickering heartbeat.

A few days later I went back for a followup ultrasound and I will never forget what the nurse said to me. As I lay on the table crying, she put her hand gently on my arm and said, "Just be thankful God took her for you so that you didn't have to choose." It took me a few minutes to realize the implications of what she was saying. All the sudden I was overwhelmed with rage as I realized she was telling me that I was lucky to not have had to choose to abort my baby since something was wrong with her. My head was already exploding with emotions of sorrow and anguish and loss...how dare she indicate that I would have chosen to kill my child???? Thankfully my tears kept me quiet and I left the office without saying anything.

I ended up walking through the valley of the shadow of death again as I lost another baby through miscarriage just three months later. Unless you have experienced it, there is no way to know or understand the pain of losing a child...there are no words. I have thought often of that nurse and what she said. I no longer get angry as I think of it, but rather feel a deep sorrow for her and anyone else that chooses to end life due to it's imperfection. I don't regret having been pregnant with my babies that went to heaven...for they gave me eyes to see God. The months of despair and hopelessness led me to a walk with Jesus that I would never have known otherwise. He reached into my soul and loved me even when I did not love Him. I'm not going to pretend that I would have rejoiced over a life spent caring for a child that would suffer through life due to physical or mental difficulties...that would have led to grief all it's own. But, God delights in bringing beauty out of ashes, turning our mourning into dancing, and bringing hope to the hopeless. For every life that is ended because the road ahead looks grim, God is unable to meet that need and that woman chooses to miss out on the blessings God was going to give her. Life is a gift...not matter what form in come in or how long we possess it. I thank God for my four blessings...those in my arms and those waiting for me in heaven. And I pray for the boldness to reach out to mothers of an unwanted baby to help them see what God sees...the sanctity of LIFE.

A Challenge

"The people asked John, 'What should we do?'. John answered,'If you have two shirts, share with the person that doesn't have one. If you have food, share that too.'" Luke 3:10
This verse was highlighted in my daughter Olivia's devotions for today. The topic was sharing which is something we drill into our kids heads, but often stop talking about once they reach the teenage years. Oh we might clean out our closets and "share" our stuff with the poor people at the Salvation Army or we might upgrade and "share" our old castaways with someone less fortunate, but the concept of sharing our stuff...the stuff we still want is just not talked about. But think about it, what if for every item we bought ourselves or someone in our family, we also bought for someone else? What if we purchased a pair of shoes, and donated the same amount to an organization like Compassion International that feeds, clothes, and educates a child for the same or even less money! How would it change the lives around us if we told a neighbor in need that we were taking our kids clothes shopping and we wanted them to come along so we could buy things for their kids too? What would happen if someone dropped by our house, fell in love with something we own, and we wrapped it up and left it on their doorstep later on? What if we made a commitment, dollar for dollar to GIVE AWAY the same amount we spend on ourselves each year???? I'll tell you what would happen...things would change and we would finally make the impact Christ has called us to make. There has never been a time when it has been so EASY to give and find so many credible organizations to give through. WE HAVE NO EXCUSE to hide our heads in the sand and continue to build our barns here in the US. Our kids don't need more stuff...we don't need bigger houses...we don't have to have a vacation getaway every year. Friends, God has called us to so much more than living for ourselves 11 mos of the year and then giving a bit around Christmastime. The American church has been handed the opportunity to WAKE UP and reach a suffering world by a very small sacrifice...a small lifestyle change. Only you know what that means for your family, but please pray and accept the challenge to share not just your leftovers, but share so that it affects you. I promise that effect will turn out to be a blessing far greater than any item could ever turn out to be.

Born to Die

This is my favorite time of the year and I have been fully immersing myself (and poor husband)in every form of Christmas music. Old and new, cheesy and sacred, I'm singin it all! Lately though, a song written by Bebo Norman called Born to Die has been running over and over in my head. The concept of the song is the angels watching in awe, confusion, and probably even horror as the God of the universe was born as a baby...a baby born to die. Most of us that have celebrated Christ's birth for any length of time have become immune to this truth, but it really is amazing. Every religion requires a sacrifice, but Christianity is the only one where the Head is the One that performs that sacrifice. We as Christians are not required to give up our children, mutilate our bodies, or perform violent acts of martyrdom in order to appease a god. The penalty of death has already been paid and all that's required from us is simple, pure, belief...no greater gift. I think then the greatest gift we can give this amazing God this Christmas season is our worship...

Prayer

Christian persecution, Human trafficking, Slum children with a life expectancy of 8 yrs old...these are realities in our world today. We read the articles and weep over the anguish felt by those suffering, but are left with the question, "what can we do?" I myself have wrestled with this for a few months now. With my husband working on behalf of the persecuted, we are receiving news everyday of brothers and sisters being tortured and killed all because they confess Jesus as Lord. I cry in sorrow, I alert my friends to pray, and I hit my knees and beg God to give them every mercy He has, but still am left with the nagging question of what can I DO?

At the age of 15 I traveled to Brazil on a missions trip. We traveled around performing a drama about the passion of Christ and saw many people get saved. We also were given the opportunity to volunteer at a Compassion International site where I got the priceless gift of hugging, holding, and giving a million kisses to the little girl I supported each month. One of the last places we shared our drama was the Dump. This was the largest landfill in the country located about 45 miles south of Rio de Janero. The bus dropped us off 5 miles outside the Dump and we slowly made our way in. Along the well worn path towards the mountains of garbage were shacks made of tin, wood, and sticks. Every time the hot breeze blew, a stench overwhelmed our noses. A number of us became physically ill along the way and all of our team felt an intense oppression overwhelm our spirits. This was a place of hopelessness. I'm not sure when I began crying...I didn't really notice my tears until I was crying so hard I could no longer walk and was being hugged by a small Brazilian boy who called this place of death his home. Children dropped the trash they were sifting through and flocked to our small group dressed in bright costumes. They smiled at us, touched us, combed their fingers through our hair, and begged us to hold them. We invited them to come down to the village church to watch our performance and many of them did. Thanks to our faithful interpreter, many children and a few adults came to accept Jesus into their hearts that day. I performed my part of the china doll without my signature heavy makeup because I had cried it all off...I cried the rest of the day...in fact I cried for weeks after returning to my home. Yes, many of the children had come to salvation, but the reality was that they returned to picking through garbage while starving to death and I boarded a plane and returned to my home. I prayed for them and continued to support my little Compassion girl, but the cry of my heart was the question "What can I DO?"

I have heard it said that We pray for God to reveal the greater good work to us, all the while missing that prayer IS the greater good work. This dear friends is hard to grasp. It is hard to believe that the best and most important thing we can do for those dying and suffering unthinkable terror is to pray for them. It would seem that prayer is a good start to helping them, but surely not the best. It is true that God calls us to give our money to those in need and He calls some to specifically go and minister face to face with the suffering, but He has commanded ALL of us to pray and He takes it very seriously.

Paul commands us to "pray without ceasing". I always found this to be a confusing verse since I'd run out of things to pray about within 15 minutes on my knees. With the ideology that this was the key to being close to the heart of God, I was frustrated thinking I would never get there! But, today God literally hit me over the head by connecting the feelings swelling up inside of me as I learn more about people suffering around the world and the command to pray without ceasing. May I suggest that Paul was not giving us the secret to personal holiness, but rather giving us something to DO that would both connect us to the heart of God and minister to those in need? What if the very heart of being passionate about the things God is passionate about means that we open our eyes to a suffering world for the PURPOSE of prayer?! Friends perhaps the reason that our prayers have ceased long before the day is over is because we have been blind to the ones we need to be praying for and the situations we need to be praying about. If we ask God to break our hearts for what breaks His, there won't be enough hours in the day for us to pray. The body of Christ is united when we pray...that is powerful. The spirits of those suffering are encouraged when we pray...that is powerful. The lives of those around us are changed when we pray...that is powerful. God is glorified when we pray...that leaves me speechless. I can honestly say that I agree with my whole heart, prayer IS the greater good and I want to spend the rest of my life praying without ceasing.

Birthday in Heaven

Today Samara is turning 1 yr old...and she is celebrating with Jesus and the angels. I wonder if they baked her a cake and clapped as she blew out her candle. I'm sure they celebrated her since God is her Father. I wonder if she smiled when Olivia and I ate donuts for her this morning and if she enjoyed the balloons we sent up in the sky. And I wonder if she knows how much her mommy's heart misses her. Yes there is hope that she's with Jesus. There is comfort in knowing we'll see her someday. But I'd give just about anything to hug her and recall a year of memories together. Time heals a little, but the missing never goes away...
Happy Birthday sweet girl...daddy, mommy, and Olivia miss you

Solid Hope

With the arrival of spring, I figured my blog was in need of a little updating...or maybe it's just the "nesting" thing going a little too far...Well, whatever the case I picked the dandelion flower because it really is a symbol of hope. As children we picked them and "made a wish". My wishes ranged from hoping the good day would never end, (it always did) hoping I would get that toy that would finally bring me happiness, (it never did) or even hoping "that boy" would like me after all (praise God he didn't!!!). I can look back and laugh about it now, but also see the way my mind has matured from thinking of something I hoped for really only being a wish. You see wishes sometimes come true, but often they don't...and aren't we glad some of them don't! Something that our hearts can "wish" for with ultimate longing and anticipation can turn out to be bad for us or detrimental to our health or well being. Hope however is something far different from a wish.

Hope is defined as "to have confident trust, to look forward with expectation, security, and FAITH".

Friends, what are you hoping for today? Or rather in Whom are you placing your hope in?

We have alot of changes coming for us in the next few months. The biggest of course is that we are anticipating the arrival of a little baby girl in about 7 weeks. Having lost two babies last year though has changed my hope. While I eagerly anticipate and fervently pray that I will get to hold a living baby girl upon delivery, my faith rests in knowing God loves me and my baby more than I could imagine. My hope is in the Lord. So while I can hardly wait for June to come, I also relish every kick, hiccup, and movement she is making in my womb today because today is the day the Lord has given to me. Oh how different this is from how I used to hope! My faith used to rest upon the object of my desire coming true...my trust in the Lord came from the positive result of what I wanted to have happen truly happening. But friends, that is not hope! That is not security! The only unchanging, ever faithful assurance we have in this life is through believing that Jesus died on the cross for us and is alive in heaven as the Savior of our souls . Everything else in this life is changeable. We can plan for tomorrow. We can wish this or that will happen in the future. But our hope must rest on the only One who is unchangeable...Jesus Christ.

"He is the rock
His work is perfect
For all His ways are justice
A God of truth and without injustice
Righteous and upright is He."
Deuteronomy 32:4

Friends this isn't easy. There are so many people and things I have placed my hope in more than the Lord, so I know the fear of letting God have his rightful place in our hearts. But only putting God as our highest and truest hope with bring the security our hearts long for. I pray that as we celebrate his resurrection this weekend, you will open up your heart to Him and place all your hope in the only One who will never let you down.

Not Forgotten

I was wide awake last night for a few hours...a blessing of the pregnant insomnia I have wrestled with for almost eight months. I often use it as my time to pray though and it has become kind of a welcome time since no one needs me and my house is quiet. Well I woke up with this phrase running through my head "I am all you've ever needed...I am all you will ever need". It replayed over and over and over as I prayed for different people and finally I just stopped and listened. All throughout the book of Isaiah we see this familiar theme as well...the Lord saying things like "There is no other God besides Me, I am God and there is no other...I am God and there is no one like Me." This phrase is repeated more times than I can count actually and when God thinks it's important to repeat something, then I think it's important for us to know why. The answer seems simple and I'm sure you're all thinking "it's because He's the only one who can satisfy our hearts". Bingo! If that's what you're thinking then, I think we are on the same page, but let's stop for a minute and think about what that REALLY means. From the very beginning we see that we were fashioned for relationship...that was exactly what he created us for. His perfect design was for a perfect relationship with us and so He created Adam. Upon seeing the perfection of His garden and all the delights of His works, He then said "it is not good for man to be alone". This has always stumped me because Adam was NOT alone...He was walking in a perfect world with the God who created Him not to mention the host of angels all around! But God in His infinite wisdom saw the bigger picture and chose to create human relationships to glorify Himself, so Eve is created out of Adam. Now we have the foundation of human relationships as between a man and a woman. History attests to the fall of man as Eve chooses to sin and Adam follows likewise. This friends was the end of perfect relationships and the beginning of God's redemptive plan. All through the Old Testament we see jealousy, hatred, adultery, unfaithfulness, wicked plans, and cruelty that humans rage against one another. Each of us have our own stories of the people that have wounded us both in words and actions. And sadly, people have stories of how we have wounded them as well. Fallen nature is cruel...counseling centers are full of people trying to overcome the horror of their childhood, marriage, families, and friends. These wounds are real and need to be dealt with so that the pattern can be stopped and restoration and healing found. But so often the people leaving the counseling sessions get into their cars and call a friend...who will inevitably let them down...or plan a date with their spouse...who will inevitably let them down. You see as long as we look to the people around us to fill the void of relationship, we will never leave the cycle of hurt and pain. And try as we might, it is just a reality that we will cause other people hurt and pain. By now I'm sure you're saying "I thought this was a HOPE blog!" And yes I am just as ready to give you the good news as you are to hear it.

Isaiah 49:15 says this "I will not forget you. Behold I have inscribed you on the palms of my hands" Let that verse sink into your soul...when your husband forgets an important date or refuses to understand where you're coming from, God says "I will not forget you". When your children forget all that you've done and demand only more from you, God says "I will not forget you". When your boss passes you up for promotion, God says "I will not forget you". When your friends forget to include you...again...God says "I will not forget you". And when life is great and you have forgotten about Him, God says still "I will not forget you". Why? Because He has inscribed you on the palms of His nail scarred hands. Friends when He lay on that cross and had nails driven into His hands, He had your face in His mind. He bled and He suffered and He died for YOU and because of the great love behind that great sacrifice, HE WILL NOT FORGET YOU. No person on earth, no relationship, no connection can promise this truth. Only a Sovereign and Perfect God could promise this and hold fast to it everyday. So I challenge you as I am challenging myself...STOP looking for people to fulfill what only God can fulfill. It is a burden that no human can bear and it is idolatry to give importance to anyone greater than God. Love those around you...serve those around you...encourage those around you...and cherish the people God has put into your life, but let us reserve our greatest love and all our needs for the ONLY One who can truly satisfy.

Counting the Cost

Often when the topic of overseas missions comes up, it is met with very opinionated responses. Usually the first is "I could never do that" and then the rest follow the same suit. It is something that has been running around in my head alot lately though because "counting the cost" for each of us could be quite enlightening as to where our hearts are. Recently I was telling my mom that I am glad that "stuff" isn't something my heart is attached to. I live in a teeny tiny apartment and although I love some retail therapy every now and then, I really don't want more than what I've already got. BUT leave it up to the Lord to show me the areas in my life that I DO hold very dear...pesky part of being a Christian that doesn't let you get comfortable! Anyway, Not more than a few days after patting myself on the back for not being a lover of stuff my daughter came down with a TERRIBLE illness. It started with congestion and a cough and by the middle of the night she literally could not breathe. I have never seen anything so scary in my whole life. While my husband rushed her out into the cold night air to open up her airways, I called the er to get advice on whether or not to bring her in. The pediatric nurse thought it sounded like croup and walked me through how to handle it at home and then bring her in if her condition worsened within the hour. She did improve that night, but I took her the next day and her Dr found a double ear infection and upper respiratory infection. Later that week I began having some strange symptoms and went to my ob to make sure baby and I are healthy (which praise God we are). My point is this. The excellent medical care we receive here in the US and the availability of Dr's and nurses both by appointments and phone is NOT enjoyed by most countries. My sister and her family moved to Thailand two years ago to minister to and bring the gospel of Jesus by way of international teaching. Counting the cost for them has meant a complete life change felt most dramatically when my sister got pregnant and delivered there just last month. NOTHING was the same as it is here in the US. Although she and baby girl are doing beautifully, it was not exactly due to the excellence they received from medical staffing. Out dated techniques, poor linguistics, and vast cultural differences led to my sister often calling my mom and me to ask Dr's here what they would advise. This my friends is a BIG cost to count when doing something for God and I know that their obedience to go where He led them in spite of it brings much joy to Him. It has been an eye opening challenge to me to look for the things in my daily life that I see as normal and come to expect or even complain about. And let me challenge you to ask God to open your eyes to these things so that you can greet them with gratitude rather than expectation. Counting the cost refers most directly to leaving something behind for the sake of Christ, but let's also use it to find new ways to be thankful and then pray for those who have given it up. And for what it's worth...I am REALLY proud of my sister. :)

Thoughts For the New Year

Whew! After a very long...and very dry hiatus from writing , I am back to share some thoughts...and confessions. The Christmas season was magical this year. Christmas party with ten close girl friends, decorating and baking and loving everything Christmas with Olivia, food and presents and more friends and family. It was one of our best Christmas's so far. Funny thing was though that even in my attempt to keep Christ's birthday at the forefront of my mind, my spirit felt dry much like our live tree that littered needles whenever the heat kicked on. I did everything I normally do and expected the same things I normally do and found myself getting increasingly bored and restless. Something needed to change...but what?

Last Sunday morning I left my snoring husband and toddler (who was draped over my snoring husband) and traipsed out to the sofa. I picked up my Bible and did something I haven't done in quite a while...sat quietly and prayed. Now before you think me saintly for waking up early for my devotions let me tell you that this is something I can easily fit into my day. Although Olivia and I sleep in together since I am now pregnant, I have her naptime that I often waste watching Bravo re-runs or twiddling around on the Internet. I could also easily grab some moments when everyone turns in for the night. But I Don't...and that's the point. I uttered the revolutionary words "God please show me the sin in my heart" and watched as things like gossip, anger, discontentment, love of money and stuff, judgmentalism, and a criticism poured out from the contents of my heart. As the faucet of my eyes turned on so did the shower of God's grace. There He washed it all away as I asked for forgiveness and felt my soul be released from the heavy weight it had taken on. The restlessness of my soul gave over the clutter of sin and God gave me rest in exchange. I sat there until it was time to get ready for church and watched in awe as God forgave my sin and made me feel free...funny it took me so long. God offers us the cleansing shower of His grace each moment of every day and I had refused it for months. What a shame!

So while I could make a list of New Years resolutions that sound good...gossip less...watch my temper...end critical thoughts...yada yada yada. I think this year I am going to resolve to ask God daily to show me the sin in my heart and let Him be the judge of what I need to work on everyday. His cleansing grace does a much better job at longlasting results than a resolution anyway.

When the Worrying Gets Tough

"So I tell you do not worry what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body as to what you will put on... who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?...So do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will take care of itself."

Worry is a common topic among Christian circles and we humans worry about everything. Our money...our relationships...our time...our investments...getting sick...losing weight...gaining weight...children...jobs...on and on and on. Worry has been linked to alot of physical problems the first being that chronic worriers often get sick more than people who are laid back. I have personally struggled with worry for as long as I can remember. It is a constant struggle to send my thoughts down a different path when they want to wander the halls of "what if".

Lastnight I went to bed with a sore throat. Nothing to worry about for the average person, but for me it threatened to consume me all night. You see October of 2009, I went to be with a sore throat that got worse all night long. By morning it was so raw I could hardly swallow. I called the dr and they asked me to come in right away for a strep test. While using the restroom at the office I began to bleed and I was rushed into a room for an emergency ultrasound. There I lay on the table and watched the dr and nurses glance at eachother with worried eyes. They talked in hushed voices and left me to stare at the screen showing a baby so small I could barely see her. The dr fumbled over her words and I had to concentrate to make statements like "too small" and "will lose the baby soon" out. My strep test was negative and by the time I got home my throat was fine. I however dissolved into a puddle of tears as the next 48 hours took me through the hell of losing a child. I relived all that lastnight and have watched for any warning signs all day today. Losing a child is unique in that it's the only time you watch someone you love die, from your own body. It is horrific. So in my mind, when Jesus commands us not to worry, why did he not put a clause in there for cases like mine where it seems impossible not to worry? Doesn't He know there's only so much a human heart can take?

I think the answer is found in 1 Peter 5:7
"Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you".

The verses in Matthew command us not to worry, but then here God gives us something to do with our worry because He knows we still will. Here He gives us an action plan. When overwhelmed with thoughts of "what if" we need to bundle them all together and hurl them onto God's back and let Him carry it for us. That frees us up to crawl into His arms and let Him comfort us from what haunts us. That's what I did lastnight. Each time the memories of the past or the fear of the future threatened to choke all hope, I repeated the 23rd psalm to myself and let Jesus rock me back to sleep. Friends this is tough stuff. I share my story with you so that you can embrace the depth of what God asks of us and offers to help us carry it out. I have about six months left to go before I can hold my sweet baby and I know that there will be many more days filled with fear and worry. But it's comforting to know that the same God that commands me not to worry has also given me a way of escape when I do and it always leads me back to Him

To Delete...or Not to Delete

I, unlike 98% of the people of the world, do not have a facebook profile. Shocking I know...outside of it being a little too invasive for me, I feel panicky at the thought of having another thing to keep up with. My toddler, keeping my food down (still having some prego sickness), the odds and ends of the day, and two blogs is just enough for me thank you very much! I must admit though that while I do not have a facebook profile, I DO have the password to my moms (no I didn't steal it...she gave it to me). On occasion I get on there to snoop into other people's lives and see what pictures have been posted. I love my mother dearly and know that she never does this on purpose, but I am always aghast at the pictures of me that end up circulating online. While everyone else in the picture looks lovely, I am always left to look about 100 pounds heavier than I think I am. You see I have the face shape that hairstylists call "round". While it puts me in the category to try almost every hair cut and style on the planet, it also means that my face is where I gain weight first...awesome. It also means that if I look at a camera wrong...say lift my chin instead of pointing it down (thank you modeling and photography classes)...I instantly add about three inches to each cheek which equals to an easy 20 pounds. In other words, all those cookies I've denied myself...second helpings at dinner...extra time spent on the treadmill...POINTLESS from the tilt of my chin. And because it is not my facebook, I am not at liberty to post something clever like "Images look larger than real life" or "Don't believe everything you see". Sigh...

One of these lovely umpa lumpa pictures of me is also on rotation on our computer. It was taken... get this BELOW me...imagine the multiple chins from that one! I am holding Olivia and we are laughing hysterically. I glanced at it this morning and muttered the usual "hate that picture" and then stopped in my tracks. Yes, I might have about four chins in that picture and my hair looks like something a horse chewed on, BUT I am gazing at my daughter sharing a moment of bliss that I can never repeat. With all that the Lord has blessedly put on my plate, I don't have time to remember to "point my chin down" in every picture...shoot half of them I haven't had time to brush my hair or put on mascara! But that's ME...I am a mother of four with about 20lbs more than I'd like (pre current pregnancy) and hair that if it's not fixed will stick up all over the place. I can spend the next 10 years dodging the camera or making remarks about less than perfect pictures...OR...I can embrace the moments and forget about what people think when they look at the photos. I think I'd rather have an album full of pictures of me and my precious family where I don't look good, than not be in them at all. And chances are, by the time I have the time to tilt my chin, fix my hair, and put my mascara on...I WILL have four more chins than I do now! God does have a sense of humor you know...

Can't Say it Any Better

I was going to write something about suffering and the hope we have in Christ and then I read a post on one of my favorite blogs. I follow this one daily and have laughed and cried at so many things Missy has to say. I have never met her...have never carried on a conversation with her...but the blessing of internet
blog-os-phere has given me this dear friend whose gift of writing amazes me everyday. So without further ado let me introduce you to an awesome blog itsalmostnaptime.blogspot.com. Please read the post for Dec 4th...I promise it will bless your heart!

Praise be to the God of all hope!